It has been an interesting week to say the least. Sunday I went to church for the first time in awhile. Besides the hectic nature of getting 3 kids ready, in the car, out of the car and into their classes by themselves, it was a good service.
To go back to why I had not attended in awhile is after we left the church in Randle I rebelled. I had been shoved into this "perfect pastors wife" persona. I was not allowed to put out there that there was anything wrong, if I had been hurt I couldn't bring it up and talk to the person about it, because I was supposed to be above it, I had no friends because no one really wanted to be around the pastors wife in case they did something "unholy" and I had more than one person that I should have been able to trust stab me in the back. I kind of got to the point of "why bother?" Everyone was hypocritical, no one was trustworthy, they were all there for their own selfish reasons and wanted nothing to do with actually helping others and being there for others.
So after we moved I went into a time of trying to find who I was. I tried alcohol for the first time, and *gasp* I LIKED it. I stopped caring about what everyone else thought of me and started dressing how I liked. I am a cowgirl at heart and like a little bling now and then. I found a friend that I can ride with and renewed my passion for competing in horses. And then I had more than one person tell me that they saw "the old Valerie" coming back. The smart alec who wasn't afraid to spout off her own opinions and tell people whats what. I also re-discovered that God had given ME a passion.
Wanna know where I am closest to God? On the back of a horse. Training horses, being AROUND horses. I never feel him closer than in that situation. And you know what? Its not "Just a hobby" as certain people have put it. It is more than a hobby. It is using the gifts that God gave me.